When they’re angry with you and you can’t see that’s warranted, then use the skill of perspective taking as an initial step towards resolution. Perspective taking is about understanding the other person’s priorities, focus, values, expectations, judgements and so on. What is that’s got them angry?
If you’ve done something wrong, made a ,mistake, taken short cuts that haven’t worked out, then the simplest way to move forward is to own that, apologise and move on.
If you’ve genuinely no understanding of what you should’ve done instead then ask them. It takes guts, and a heap of professional maturity, but the most expedient way out of their angry tirade is to ask them for clarity – “Instead of yelling at me like this, just tell me. What are you saying? What have I done?”
Need a hand standing up for yourself in this scenario? A simple approach to take is well before their anger arrives. Take control of your own belly effectively by using the Everyday Practical Mindfulness (EPM) technique.
Everyday Practical Mindfulness is about reflecting on what you’re doing, saying, thinking, hearing, feeling in the moment – every moment. That sounds hard but it’s incredibly useful and once you’ve got the hang of it, it’s super easy. It’s mindfulness in real time.
While you’re reading this ✔︎notice your belly – what’s happening in there? ✔︎How are your shoulders- are they hunched up? ✔︎What body sensations do you notice? ✔︎How’s your breathing, fast, shallow, square, forced? ✔︎What about your thinking, what’s happening in your head at the moment? ✔︎What about your face, what’s the expression on you face, what would a casual observer of your facial expression notice right now? ✔︎What sounds do you hear, are you cognizant of them in the primary awareness space or do those sounds work as white noise, or maybe somewhere in between… ✔︎What else do you notice?
Once you’ve considered this bit, then continue to notice all that, and add awareness of what your hand is doing. What’s it doing? Is it relaxed? Tense, or fiddly? Now also add an activity just for practice. A simple activity like reaching over there a little to pick up that object works well here. Notice the feel of it, notice the weight of it in your hand, how it relates to your hand in terms of size, ease of movement and so on.
Practice this in everything you do in your day to day activities. Eventually you’ll be able to use Everyday Practical Mindfulness to regulate your emotions, your reactiveness, your choices and even your stress responses at work and in your personal world. The magical piece here is that when you do this as a way-of-being you’re not likely to be bullied anymore because it helps reset boundaries, expectations and somehow acts as a deterrent for misplaced negativity. Try it and let me know how it works for you. ?
